It is very painful to work through past hurts stemming from domestic violence and abuse. There are so many obstacles to overcome. From our self-doubt, self-hate, insecurities, to a total violation of our ability to trust. All these emotions leave us questioning our purpose of existence and reeling in emotional agony. It leaves us wondering if we are worthy of love or if God is angry with us.
God does not judge you for your doubt or for your anger. He understands the source of these deep wounds to your spirit. He longs to bring healing. He loves you genuinely. Yet, moving from the stagnate wounds of doubt, anger, and pain into trusting God is a very difficult process.
For me, healing began when I stopped harassing God about the “whys” and let go of my innate need to understand the reason I experienced such cruel abuse under God’s all-knowing eye. I know this seems to be the opposite of what will help because we desperately need answers. Yet, this was the key to my journey toward healing. Searching to know God for God while burying myself in scriptures, prayer, and praise.
During this time of focusing on discovering God, He graciously answered my hardest question – “How could He see what was going on and not help me?” I realized that God did not approve of the abuse. God was angry with the person abusing me and He did not pardon their sin against me. He put that person into my life to protect me and they abused me instead. The abuser will stand before God, in time, and will be judged for their actions of abuse.
Again, once I let go of my anger and questioning God– and begin to seek to know HIM, – then Jesus was able to reveal to my mind how angry He was at the abuser and not angry at me. My eyes where opened that Jesus did not abandon me but was betrayed by the abuser, too. God had trusted this person to love and protect me. The abuser failed God, and the abuser failed me.
Seeking earnestly to know God brought me out of great pain. I can’t explain how he healed my feelings of shame, guilt and ugliness – but I know in his timing, he healed my broken spirit. He brought me from a place of constant fear to a calm trust. It took years to work through the past hurts but was worth the long journey.
God’s love never failed me. My faith and heart failed from the abuse – but God was patient with my emotional damage and gently brought me out of that great pain to a place of healing and hope.
By Donna Wright © 2012 – All rights reserved
Article republished with express written permission
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (ESV)
Psalm 84:2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (NIV)
Psalm 119:81 My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your word. (NIV)